Sunday, June 15, 2008
♥ Left Out
Always the center of attention since I was little. Blooming from praises and positive judgement of people around me. Earning friends have always been easy for me. They just come and I let them in into my world. I'm not the person who tries to fit in to a group, I just want to be me. The jessa I know that the should also know.
And know I'm afraid that I'm losing it. I'm losing them. I was in a group of friends wherein there were four of us when I was a freshman. And Jessica, the pinakamabait at tahimik in our group, left us. I didn't blame her for what she did,I know she feels a bit uncomfortable with us. She laughed with us whenever we're together but i knew and i felt that there's something inside her that tells me that she knows she doesn't belong to us, that her "quiet" attitude didn't really fit for us. This scenario happened when we were in our second year in high school. So I was left with the other two, Cala and Mimie, who were the two original bestfriends. After Jessica left, i feared that I will also be left out from the other two. But thank god that I survived one school year with them without being naive and afraid about the whole friendship thing.
So here comes our third year in high school.
Apparently, from three, our group went to nine. It wasn't a bad thing. I felt happier with a bigger group because now, even though mie and cala talk about something that I don't know, I can talk with someone else beside them. I can talk freely without any hesitation with Ian and Kevin. Ian felt also that he is left out in our group, which I assured him that I felt the same too. And from my perspective, Kev is the least favored in our group. But I love Kevin, I don't hold any grudges towards him, in fact Kevin is my hero(haha, but really, it's true). If I don't have anyone else to talk with, he comes to the rescue and he makes me feel that I'm not alone.
And now that I'm a senior student, I really felt that even though we are a group, our group has its own group also. In present, it's always mimie,danika,carla who are always together. If not mie,cala,jed,tina and danika. While i always stick with Kevin, Ian and karen.
But I love them all. I don't know why I always feel this way. I admit that i'm jealous whenever they whisper things to each other and I have no idea what they are talking. And i'm also afraid to ask what they're whispering or talking about, I'm afraid that they will say "woo,wag ka na nga" or "wala,..wala..(then they giggle)." Even if they just say it only as a biro, it always hurt but I won't let them see that I'm hurt and then I just laugh it off.
"Ang alam nilang Jessa ay iyong taong laging tumatawa, hindi nasasaktan at walang problema sa buhay. Gusto kong ipagsigawan sa buong mundo na babae ako na marunong masaktan,umiyak at nangangailangan din ng pagdamay."
Labels: Friendship
1:00 AM
