Thursday, March 5, 2009
♥ so much for today.
With friends.
at last, things are back on track.
not all, but all I ever wished for is in good hands again.
he was all I ever wanted. they were all I ever needed.
they were the friends I really cared for.
I may be laughing now,
but buried inside my thoughts is the feeling uncertainty.
I am afraid that there will be a time that all of them will turn their back against me.
again.
and i hope that there will never be time for that.
'cause for now, I'm being careful, with my actions.
and even my feeling and thoughts.
With him.
I don't know if he heard something that might had upset him last Wednesday.
They don't like him. They don't understand him.
But I don't know enough of him either in order for me to defend him.
I hate to admit that they're right.
I'm taking him as an obligation.
As a responsibility.
I wanted myself to love him.
Like the way he feels about me.
But I just can't force myself to feel THAT WAY about him.
I can't force myself.
There is no spark.
We had some sweet moments together.
But like a flower that only blooms when there is a sun,
That sweet moments are all gone now.
I don't like you flirting with girls in front of me.
I don't care if you flirt with them behind my back.
It's not that I'm jealous.
I just want you to make me feel that from all of the girls,
I'm the one that you treasure and prioritize the most.
I just want you to show me your loyalty and respect to me as a girlfriend.
ok. I'm way too selfish.
i know i don't deserve those kinds of treatments.
With me, being so uncaring about your feelings.
I might as well not have those.
But they're also right.
He should take my actions as a challenge.
To prove to me that you are loyal to me.
That you really love me.
Because, you know, from the start
I did not feel your loyalty to me,while you were still courting me.
But if you feel that I'm being unfair to you. (which is true.)
Please be angry with me.
Don't act modest. or don't be sooo modest with me.
I want you to be angry with me.
I want to fight with you.
I want us to have a quarrel.
It is easier than keeping these feelings inside us.
'Cause I know inside you, are so many mixed emotions all glaring up.
all wanting to be released on me.
I hope we can have time to discuss these things.
Sorry for acting cold when I'm with you.
Sorry for trying to be insensitive about your feelings.
Sorry for not being honest with you.
Sorry for everything.
I don't deserve you.
You should be with someone who can give the love that I can't give you.
Its too late to stop pretending.
its too late for a new beginning.
later than the sunset.
later than the rain.
With him together with her.
I'm not doin' anything to both of you.
hindi ko kayo pinapakialaman.
I don't care what you say and think about me.
because as much as I'm concerned,
I'm not bothering your relationship.
Whether you are happy or not.
It was not my fault if he felt that way back then.
I don't if until now. but still I DO NOT CARE.
I MIND MY OWN BUSINESS.
so mind yours.
to her.
I know that you don't like the idea of balda, tina and jed being with me.
because they were with you dati.
sorry ulit sa mga nasabi kong masama sayo sa blog ko.
For now, I'm contented.
Labels: Friendship, Laughter., Love
4:27 AM
